Previous English leader Lewis Moody has revealed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet confront the full implications of the muscle-wasting condition that took the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was involved in the World Cup champion 2003 side and lifted several English and European titles with Leicester, gave an interview to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after discovering he has the illness.
"There's an element of facing the future and being reluctant to completely absorb that at the minute," he stated.
"This doesn't mean I am unaware of where it's going. We understand that. But there is certainly a unwillingness to confront the future for now."
Moody, talking together with his wife Annie, says instead he feels "at ease" as he concentrates on his present wellbeing, his family and making preparations for when the condition worsens.
"Maybe that's trauma or maybe I process things in another way, and once I have the facts, it's simpler," he stated further.
First Indications
Moody found out he had MND after noticing some weakness in his upper arm while training in the gym.
After physiotherapy was ineffective for the condition, a set of scans showed nerve cells in his neurological system had been affected by MND.
"You're presented with this diagnosis of MND and we're understandably extremely moved about it, but it's quite odd because I sense that nothing's wrong," he continued.
"I don't sense sick. I don't feel poorly
"The signs I have are rather minimal. I have some muscle deterioration in the hand and the shoulder.
"I remain able to doing whatever I want. And with luck that will carry on for as long as is feasible."
Disease Progression
MND can advance rapidly.
According to the charity MND Association, the condition claims a one-third of people within a 365 days and more than half within 24 months of identification, as swallowing and respiration become harder.
Treatment can only retard decline.
"It's not me that I feel sad for," added an affected Moody.
"There's sadness around having to inform my mum - as an sole offspring - and the consequences that has for her."
Household Impact
Conversing from the household with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by feeling when he discussed informing his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the traumatic news, commenting: "This was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two brilliant boys and that was rather devastating," Moody said.
"We sat on the sofa in tears, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog bounded over and began licking the drops off our faces, which was rather silly."
Moody said the focus was being in the now.
"We have no treatment and that is why you have to be very strongly focused on just embracing and enjoying each moment now," he commented.
"According to Annie, we've been truly fortunate that the only real decision I made when I retired from playing was to devote as much period with the kids as feasible. We won't recover those periods back."
Sportsman Association
Top-level sportspeople are disproportionately impacted by MND, with studies proposing the rate of the disease is up to six times higher than in the general population.
It is believed that by restricting the O2 available and causing damage to nerve cells, consistent, intense exercise can activate the condition in those already vulnerable.
Rugby Playing Days
Moody, who won 71 England caps and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in acknowledgment of his courageous, relentless method to the game.
He played through a bone injury of his leg for a time with Leicester and once caused a practice scuffle with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he discarded a practice gear and began throwing himself into physical contacts.
After coming on as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he secured a ball at the end of the set piece in the decisive phase of play, creating a base for playmaker Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the victory-securing drop kick.
Assistance System
Moody has earlier informed Johnson, who captained England to that victory, and a handful of other former players about his medical situation, but the remaining individuals will be learning his news with the broader public.
"We'll have a period when we'll need to rely on their support but, at the present, just having that kind of affection and recognition that people are there is the crucial thing," he said.
"Rugby is such a great community.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even should it concluded now, I've appreciated all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you have the opportunity to call your passion your profession, it's one of the most significant privileges.
"Having accomplished it for so long a period with the groups that I did it with was a pleasure. And I know they will wish to assist in whatever way they can and I look forward to having those talks."
